Connecticut.

I hate days like this. Days when I lose my faith in the human spirit.  I want to believe that there is good in all people, but days like today cause that belief to falter.  I find that the only good I can find in a day like today lies in the sweetness of my daughter, whom I will be hugging a little extra tight, and will get a little bit more leeway in her antics. She is my juxtaposition between the good in the world and the heinous bad that inhabits some people’s hearts.  I can only be thankful for the good in her, and those around me who are saying prayers and aching for those who are direct victims of this tragedy. 

The taker of innocence

Will always be at a loss

He cannot regain

What was never his

His strength is false

A heart black and void

Joy will prevail

And darkness will subside

Not to light, no the world is too dark now

But to a fog with glints of sun

Children are the answer, the key to all that is good

That he cannot take, that he cannot change.

They will never be his

And he will be no more. 

Christmas Songs Revealed!

When Ava was first born the only way she slept was wrapped in the Moby, while I would lay on the worlds smallest couch and watch SVU.  Being a new parent I was relatively unaware of the dangers of the world, but imagine my surprise when some of the more questionable things came from Christmas songs.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve listened to my fair share of questionable children song lyrics—from a grown woman in bell bottoms saying, “I’m gonna get you,” to Mickey Mouse, Goofy, and Donald’s classic, “Shake, shake, shake your peanut.”—but some of these time honored Christmas songs have struck me as… peculiar.

I think it started with a classic case of hit and run.  Are we certain that Grandma wasn’t a victim of domestic violence? Let’s be honest, Grandpa’s story about a reindeer should certainly raise a few questions.  It’s likely that it’s innocent fun, but who knows? All that eggnog can do things to people.  At the very least some deer somewhere is questioning which authorities to call, and if the one time incident makes him a bad person. That makes no sense, it'd be hard for him to dial with his hoofs, plus he'd probably been drinking.  The more I think about it, the more I think these songs are pointing to reindeer alcoholism. 

Just ask Rudolph.  There’s a reason his nose was red. It’s a scary thought to think they let him drive that fateful evening.  Perhaps all the other reindeer were drunk too, because they seemed to be happy he made it through.  I personally think that the other reindeers got a bad rap for not letting Rudolph play games. Has anyone ever tried to play Monopoly with a drunk? It’s not pretty.

Speaking of not pretty, I’m quite sure that most children witnessing their mother’s tryst with some jolly fat stranger in the family living room, would be cause for therapy, not an adorable song.  Is it not enough that we force our children to sit on some complete "mall approved" stranger's lap once a year and ask for stuff, now that same stranger gets to come in and take our mothers?  

I know, I know, it sounds like I’m really harping on songs that most children love and families really enjoy singing.  Let me be the first to say that I’m still singing these songs to my child, even though I’m growing more and more certain that Santa may be on Megan’s Law.  Her little face lighting up with glee when she sings the wrong words in an awful tone, makes my heart melt.  It a selfish joy that I get from her pure innocence, and I'd never trade that. 

I guess I’ve personally lost the innocence that goes with mindlessly singing about a magical man breaking into your house, eating your food, and making out with your mom.  He was a magical part of my childhood, that perhaps I let go of all too soon.  I 100% blame this loss of innocence on SVU, that and paying attention. 

Thankful

“I’m thankful for the park.”

These are the words of wisdom from my tiny, rambunctious, adorable three-year old.  I know all parents believe their children are gifted, but the more I think about it, this statement is more poetic than brilliant, but still pretty awesome for a three year old.  After all, isn’t the park where we learned all the things we need to know?  Play nice with others, share your toys, try new things, and make friends.

My daughter was born in the age of technology, and could use an iPad before she was walking, but the park is her favorite place to be. It trumps ice cream, movies, the computer, and even Mommies iPhone.  The park is the place where she learned to climb, jump, slide, laugh, and play.  She learned to try new things, take risks. She learned to be adventurous and at times cautious.  The park is where she learned to get right back up when she fell down.  She made friends quickly based on proximity and whether or not they had toys she liked.  She doesn’t worry about what she’s wearing, how much more the other kids have, or even if she’s doing everything perfectly.  Her happiest moments could possibly be on that playground where the world is on the outside looking in. 

I fear that when she becomes too old or cool for the playground is when the cold reality of the world will set in.  I forever want her to be an ambitious, wide-eyed, playful child. I want her to see the world as something simple, and to see all others as potential playmates.  As adults I suppose we find new “parks” and places to be wild and free, but we never walk into them as innocent as we did our first.